So we get to LAX at around 5am this morning. I check in for my flight. My wife checks in for her flight... Or at least tries to. The kiosk says it "can't find" her reservation. Technical issue? No... Her flight's been canceled. Guess that boarding pass she printed at home eight hours ago is worthless.
So now what? Self checkin agent to the rescue! We're kindly told, in that fantastic "I'm not equipped to fix your problem"/"I'm too busy"/"I couldn't give a shit" way that's likely to win prestigious customer disservice awards, that we need to make our way toward one of the "black courtesy phones" down somewhere over yonder. Yup... The giant FU. Now... I've had the privilege of using these "black courtesy phones" before and I can tell you they're definitely not "courtesy" and barely pass for "phones." At least they're black.
So we manage to fight our way through the mob of displaced Sundance travelers (what airline cancels a 6:30 flight from LAX to SLC on the opening day of Sundance and doesn't plan for an angry Hollywood mob?) to one of the three "black courtesy phones." Yeah... In one of the busiest airports in the country you offer up only three phones for those requiring assistance? Good call.
We wait "on hold" for a good ten minutes.
Finally a person who's here to "help us!" Our phone agent deftly offers up the next possible flight option:
We can get you a seat on a flight that leaves a bit later... On the 19th
On the 19th?!
Yes.. THE 19th.
That's two days from now. Unacceptable.
Are there other options?
Well... I can get you a flight at around 9am on the 18th?
That's more than 24 hours from now.
Sorry... We're all booked. Didn't you know that a lot of people were traveling to Sundance today?
I had no idea.
So... Can you get me on another airline today?
- on hold -
Everyone is booked.
Every single flight on every single airline out of LAX that could possibly connect to a flight that ends up in SLC is booked?
Apparently.
Okay... I'll take the flight on the 18th.
So now we're on hold again. Me being the diligent person that I am I jump onto the Orbitz website on my phone and check flights to SLC for today. Hmm.... There are five US Air flights to SLC via Phoenix before 3pm today with available seats.
The agent on the "black courtesy phone" returns...
Okay... We have you going out tomorrow morning.
I checked online and found four US Air flights today that have seats available (the first US Air flight was too close to reasonably make). Here are the flight numbers and times.
- on hold -
Okay... We can get you on the 9:40a US Air flight.
Great.
So apparently there were available flights... But you have to know the magic words. The person on the "black courtesy phone" was not so lucky and had been sentenced to a flight on more than 24 hours in the future. Wanting to stay her fate, I quickly threw the "secret password" US Air info her way. Another soul saved.
Delta definitely wins major awards for this one.
My flight (now massively overbooked and bleeding passengers) is boarding. Catch up with you when I get to Park City.
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